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冰与火——我本年少轻狂June 25 6.24无论如何，我都应该记住这一天，2009年6月24日。
最近一直看到很多朋友贴的毕业照片，看到他们写的一些毕业感想。自己却着实没有多少感觉。自以为有过两年前的经验，抑或是工作的现实已经让我疲惫不堪，直到昨天，我都对这样一次毕业典礼都没有什么感觉。
可我是多么高兴地看到自己今天依然是一个学生，充满热情地投入，全然忘记自己已经注定的社会属性。这种久违的状态，多么珍贵。
宿舍里。简单地收拾下行李。虹口校区没有留给我太多的记忆，甚至付了一年的住宿费却连一天也没有睡过。于是不像两年前我离开的时候，更多的是收拾记忆。
毕业典礼上。我记住了一句“渐行渐远的是风声，雨声，读书声；越来越多的是家事，国事，天下事。”原本熟悉的话，却让我感觉到彷佛这种转变就在瞬间完成。这是我两年前不曾有过的体会。
校园里。几乎是一整天地穿着学位服，与爸妈和朋友们一起拍照留念，这也是两年前不曾有过的。
散伙饭。不像两年前那般泪流满面。反而一直显得很平静。或许我变了，变得不再喜欢透着忧伤。偶而看着那般文字，有种似曾相识的感动就已足够。可是我依然那么真实，真实地和大家一起，和我们的硕士生涯说再见。其实我依然充满感慨，依然恋恋不舍，依然可以没心没肺地说，我就是还想继续做学生，因为那是多么幸福的事情！
然而曲终人散的轨迹总是只会重复。愿意变得成熟也好，相信是被迫推着前进也拜。其结果是，我们选择了接受。大家都说这一年过得不容易，也许每个人都经历了很多，可我们也说好，无论以后如何，有些东西就是不该变的。
于是想说希望大家都能彼此珍重，过的幸福。在未来的日子里，情谊能再续。 May 08 这一段不管怎么说，我应该记住今天。我在TAISHA的日子划上了句号。这其中包含的情愫很复杂。很感谢大家昨天为我饯行，我会记得你们的。
转眼也就过了半年多。想想这半年自己的心路历程，除了艰辛我无法再多说什么。但是我宁可选择一种淡定的方式来看待，因为越来越觉得自己是在走入生命中的另一个阶段。其实就像《青春》里说的那样，社会就像一条河，我们每个人都只是其中的一块石头。多么简单的比喻，却多么形象。于是学会了接受。于是少了一些忧伤，多了一份坚忍。对与错的概念或许会愈加变淡，适应与否的重要性更加清晰。然而不变的是我人生的主题：追求幸福。
我早就说过到今天的这一步我一定更愿意感谢自己的这段经历。这个时候，我才可以跳出来看到过去式的自己。越来越感觉自己是在迈入“职业生涯”，总觉得这四个字分量不轻，因为需要你看到前方，却那么难看得清楚。无论我自己到底如何定位这一起点，可以肯定的是，新的一段历程就要开始。我口口声声说着做好了准备，心里依然并不平静。还能多说什么呢，我自己选择的挑战，我自己面对。行动起来。
我想这个时候更应该鼓励自己，默默念：我的青春我奋斗，明天会更好。 April 05 23This day is always a landmark of my life. I'm 23.
I'd like to say thank you to everyone who still remembers it. I really appreciate it, even a little excited.
I also want to say thank you to my buddies. I'm so happy to be with you guys. For almost 6 years, I have shared the day with you. It is kind of like a traditional festival, which always make me feel comfortable and happy. I know time is changing, but sth is not, and would never be. This is also sort of a legend, isn't it? So let's enjoy the moment and try to keep it going. Many thanks. March 13 Let it beI exactly know how much difficult it is to transfer "hang in there" into "enjoy", to transfer "torture" into "test". It is not only about endeavor, it's about attitude. Remember what it is said? "I enjoy it. But I should step further" Pretty damn to the point, dude! It makes me kind of suddenly awake and that's exactly what I should learn, should remember and should really digest. I mean I might have been known it, but I didn't recognize it. I know I always stick to what I think is right. But sometimes it means stubborn. I know I always take pains to what I decide to do. But sometimes I might jump the gun. Also, I would try the utmost to make it satisfactory. But sometimes it causes unsatisfied. Also, I would make myself thoughtful. But sometimes I make myself stressful. Nothing about righr or not. It's about suitable or not. Good to realize it. Specifically in this special situation. Long way to go. Specifically for the sake of real meaning in life. Remember that choice? TRUTH or HAPPINESS. Happiness, I said. Since I choose happiness. February 17 关于足球的很多很多很久没来这里了。简单说，就是因为人麻木了。很讨厌自己现在的状态，那种在反复的可逆反应中纠结着前行的日子，何日是尽头？
不谈这些。今天，很多片断，很多思绪集结在一起，关于大学生活的，关于足球的，内心小小触动了一下，或许这样的我，才更加真实。
看到小广东的校内签名。周末的米兰德比我没有看，我找不到自己坚持的理由，甚至在我半夜忽然失眠的情况下，我也不愿起床打开电视。如果在以前，我一定会毫不犹豫地和你们一起。我依然清晰地记得，大一的时候凌晨三点半来你们205看国家德比，那场球国米3比1。我也清晰地记得，大三的时候很多人拥挤在你们宿舍看米兰德比，那场比赛国米3比2。还有好多好多的比赛，我们那一群人，在一起。从205到3楼办公室，从自由人到避风堂，还有客来登。如今想想，和你们一起看球的日子，是大学时代美好时光的一个缩影。后来研究生时期不复存在，以后或许也不会再有。
下午打给10年小孩的时候，一下子就听出她还在上课。等待她下课的时间里，我彷佛也回到教师里，等待下课铃的响起划破安静的教学楼，等待着喧闹声瞬间的来临和随之而来蜂拥而出的人群。那是以前再熟悉不过的画面。我想回去。我想读书。如果可以，我愿意梦境里故地重游，永远疯魔。
今天反复看了新浪为爱的花朵复出做的那段视频，挺感动的。喜欢那首背景音乐，跪求了一下大侠得知叫carry on till tomorrow。觉得很温馨很励志，暂且拿来空间放放吧。 December 14 This pretty damn bad lifeIt seems everything comes to the extremes. I just cannot stand it anymore. I wanna curse the f-word. What pretty damn bad life it is!
I have been always hanging on, hanging on, but till when? I told myself that November was gonna be the toughest month, but when it passed, the annony things still exist. This month seems more tough. I told myself that the last week was the most disgusting week this month, but it seems that the next week will be more disgusting. Bullshit. What the hell is wrong with my life? Or is it just life, every goddamn thing is normal? Unbelievable. This is not what I want. Why should I work for more than 8 hours as an office man in daytime while thinking about how can I start the damn paper after coming home as the deadline gets closer, when should I write the "thinking report" and when should I go to teach that poor child as a would-be Party member? I don't understand why everything pour into my life at the same time, driving me crazy and making me smothered.
I've had it. For the first time since I started my work in Middle Sept., I have a relatively free weekend, which means I decide not to go to work, but play my role as a student. I'm finally free! Spare to write! How ironic!
Actually, I know the reason. The only answer is that I have no choic. But I have hope and, determination. Having struggled for a long long time, I have made up my mind to start from new scratch. I need more. I'm ready, and longing for new challenge. Just a matter of time.
I never regret what I chose, and actually I thank this experience, which let me know what I really wanna get and learn. I'm not that ambitious, but I'm ambitious. I'm back on the market.
Now I can see how tough the coming days are gonna be, which means I cannot just wait and see, but have to go and see what's gonna happen. I make it so. I make it.
I have finished 5 "thinking reports" today, how great I am. I have to write my paper next week before the damn deadline. How poor I am. I must face those annoying things in the work without confirming when is the end. How nondescript it is.
That's life, pretty damn bad, isn't it? I have no choice, I have hope, so I have to hang in there. |
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